On a pet

I think I am falling in love with our pet hamster. It represents everything I want in life except that it can’t rob a bank. I’m growing bored with my hubby.

Ignore your husband and slap yourself in the end
this selfish conniving you want in love isn’t going to make you docile
now scotch

On delicious plums

My girlfriend keeps leaving me a note apologizing for eating plums from the refrigerator. But I didn’t buy any, and I don’t even like plums. She’s written probably about twenty of these messages. She looks at me scornfully every time I throw out her note. Is this a red flag?

apologies have different baggage
this may be transactional
you only think of your boundaries
now it’s easy
and it’s best

On butt her emails

I think one of my roomates may have been putting items from around the house up their butt. I can’t prove it, the place smells really bad, like whole ass bad. wtf is going on? HELP! Like do I have a house meeting, do I send them email?!

If you want to scream this is a wonderful time
the line you should totally take is one way or the other perspective for yourself
you desperately need immediate domestic violence
that’s the best hope

On gtfo

My brother always talks down to me and openly rejects my life decisions (including sexuality) at any family gathering. So holidays are hell for me. My parents won’t stand up for me and my aunt is the only person I feel isn’t out to get me. I feel like I still have to go, do I?

Skip the whole situation
you are worthy of people you want to be there
this isn’t about living together and your going about it doesn’t even deserve that pain
when they aren’t mean, you’re the relationship